Duke Newcomb was a Shrimp on a mission, taking down one of the top Crabs with conviction during a recent practice round for the Jolly Elephant in Pattaya.  "It was easy," said Duke with confidence.  "I just stuck to my game plan and waited for the chance to strike."  It appears however that Duke might have shot the proverbial wednesday wad, as he drifted to a Jolly Tour career high 4th DFL finish in the Elephant itself, much to the relief of hard charging Tusher Timmy Real.  "The big tournaments are overrated," Duke added, "I'm all about cash games in the practice rounds."

> Here is the Table of Contents from our new book:    "Big E & El Jeffe School of Golden Tee Golf,"  which we believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that we've have gained through  years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners around the world.

> Table Of Contents:

> Chapter  1   -  How to properly line up your fourth putt.

> Chapter  2   -  How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.

> Chapter  3   -  How to avoid the water when you lie 8 In a bunker.

> Chapter  4   -  How to get more distance off the Shank.

> Chapter  5   -  When to give the Ranger the finger.

> Chapter  6   -  Using your shadow on the Greens to maximize earnings.

> Chapter  7   -  When to implement Handicap Management.

> Chapter  8   -  Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

> Chapter  9   -  How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post,... Undetected.

> Chapter 10 -   How to rationalize a 6 hour round.

> Chapter 11 -   How to find that ball that everyone else saw go In the water

> Chapter 12 -   Why your spouse doesn't care that you Birdied the 5th.

> Chapter 13 -   How to let a Foursome play through your Twosome.

> Chapter 14 -   How to relax when you are hitting Three off the Tee.

> Chapter 15 -  When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

> Chapter 16 -  God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

> Chapter 17 -  When to regrip your Ball Retriever.

> Chapter 18 -  Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge.

> Chapter 19 -  Why male  golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and

>                     give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

> Chapter 20 -  Optimizing scorekeeping to your monetary advantage.

> Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy. Please send on and hopefully more people will buy copies!!!

Found on the Kunming Airport departure magazine rack.....

Where was this before the tournament, when I needed it ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

Golfer:  "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."

Caddy:  "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

9

Golfer:  "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."

Caddy:  "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

8

Golfer:  "Do you think my game is improving?"

Caddy:  "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

7

Golfer:  "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"

Caddy:  "Eventually."

6

Golfer:  "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."

Caddy:  "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

5

Golfer:  "Please stop checking your watch all the time.  It's too much

of a distraction."

Caddy:  "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

4

Golfer:  "How do you like my game?"

Caddy:  "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

3

Golfer:  "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"

Caddy:  "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

2

Golfer:  "This is the worst course I've ever played on."

Caddy:  "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

1

Golfer:  "That can't be my ball, it's too old."

Caddy:  "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."